Oh man..

Okay, you guys are really geting on my nerves right now. I've kept my mouth shut ever since, but why you guys have to bring it up every day? What's wrong with you guys? DO you really want WORLD WAR III to happened? OMG, so childish lahh. I've move on and live my life. Why can't you?

Jp2, suddenly korang kesah plak kn aku ada blog? Asl? Nak tau apa yang aku cakap kt cni? Selama ni aku try cakap depan2 takde sapa dengar kn? So, now tbe2 nk cakap mcm2. Nasib baik korang dah remove post yang korang tagged aku. Kalau tak, aku tak tahu lah.

Some say, I'm pissed off because you guys are plastic. But, if you guys can play that game, so do I. I too can be plastic. Again, I want to stressed out here is I dont have anything related to your position in the faculty. Susah sangat ke nk paham? I cakap, tak nak dengar, then gatal2 buat assumption sendiri. padahal, I dah cakap, I xde kna-mengena. Kenapa korang semua still nak bukak cerita lg? Nk satu kampus ta ke ha?

You said, If I'm in your shoes what would I feel, no need your shoes lah, I dah rasa pown BEFORE u guys rasa. So, tak payah nak bising sgt. Can't you guys see, you still have your friends while I don't. Isn't that what you want? Isn't this the game that you've been dying for? Isn't that already tortured me enough? You can spread all those f***ing rumours to the whole faculty. Then still blame it on me. Hello?! I'm not the one who open all the story to people okay. You are. When people asked, "Is it true that u did this this and that that?" and u will answered it proudly saying the things that you do while maybe some of it just to sedapkan cerita je. See?

Then bila people dah putar belit cerita, barulah you nak ungkit mcm2. Oh man, come on lah. The story is about to die but you still give it hope to live. You were the one who still make the story alive when you can just buried it in the ground. Maybe you will say, that this is not over. But when will you want it to over?? I've been struggling to move on and I will do until I'm okay. But why can't you guys?

You said I was the one who envy, yes I admit. But when we look at right now, It seems like you guys are the one who are envy for, I don't know what reason. Nak tagged post kat fb bagai, saja kn cari publisiti. Then bila poeple tny, ha mulalah bukak cerita lg. Oh man, you guys are good in playing this psycho game.

People will never pleased in this world. Yup, I know. I've been there. Unfortunately, you haven't.

Smelly Monday

Good morning to all people yang kna bangun pagi-pagi isnin ni macam saya :D Haha.

First of all, have you brush your teeth? No.
Have you wash your face? No.
Have you taken your bath? Obviously No.

Then you are the winner for the stinkiest person for Monday Blues! Haha. Well, actually, that was me. Nvmn, we can share the present together-gether na. Wanna know the present? It's a bucket full of shampoo, conditioner, body shampoo, scrub, facial wash, toothpaste and tooth brush. Like it? Me too :D

Okay, it's been almost 10 days since my last post. Hopefullly through this 10 days, I'm better than before. Let's check how's my condition so far :

1. How am I today?
I'm goooooodddd except for being a little smelly. Haha.

2. How are your so-called bestfriend?
Ahhh, let's just say, I'm willing to talk to her when it comes to assignments.
No more pillow talk. Never again with you.

3. How are your classmates?
Hmmm. Let me see..
They 're not even worth it to settle things out and
they're not even worth it to talk. So, biar je.

4. How about the lecturer herself?
I think she's struggling like us.
Well, I did said sorry to her and she too.
Hopefully everythings going to be fine soon.

5. So, for the conclusion?
I'm good and trying to be better :D

Owh, wanna know one more thing?

I was supposed to have a consultation class with my groupmates regarding to Publication class at 10am in the morning. So, I wake up early just to find out that Miss had cancelled it and postponed to tomorrow. So much for my beauty sleep. Hahahaha.

Sabar.

Sabar... satu perkataan ringkas yang memberi impak yang besar pada diri manusia. Sifat sabar ini berjaya 'memandu' tindakan manusia dalam kehidupan seharian. Adanya sifat sabar ini membolehkan ramai manusia hidup dalam keadaan aman damai seperti sekarang.

Dengan sifat sabar ini, seorang guru mampu terus menjadi seorang guru walaupun berhadapan dengan ragam pelajar yang bermacam-macam karenah.

Dengan sifat sabar ini, seorang ibu mampu membesarkan anak-anak yang ramai walaupun ketika kecil, anak-anak biasanya sangat nakal dan tidak mendengar kata kerana mereka masih tidak mengerti kata-kata ibunya.

Dengan sifat sabar ini, hubungan persahabatan terus berkekalan walaupun kadang-kadang dalam bersahabat, kita selalu diuji dengan sikap rakan yang mengundang rasa kecil hati.

Dengan sifat sabar ini, ramai manusia telah berjaya menjadi orang hebat kerana berjaya melalui pelbagai kesusahan ketika menuntut ilmu.

Dengan sifat sabar ini juga, suami dan isteri terus bahagia menjalani kehidupan walaupun setiap pasangan biasanya akan diuji sepanjang berada di alam rumah tangga. Kata orang, 'sedangkan lidah lagikan tergigit, inikan pula suami isteri'.

Cuba kita bayangkan situasi dimana sifat sabar ini sudah tidak ada langsung dalam diri manusia, walaupun sekelumit.

Tanpa sifat sabar, bilangan guru akan berkurang kerana ramai orang yang tidak sanggup lagi menjadi guru untuk melayan karenah pelajar yang kadang-kadang mengundang rasa marah dan sedih di hati.

Tanpa sifat sabar, anak-anak kecil akan membesar dalam keadaan yang tegang tanpa kasih sayang kerana tidak ada lagi sifat sabar dalam diri ibu bapa dalam sepanjang membesarkan anak-anak kecil yang masih tidak mengerti.

Tanpa sifat sabar, hubungan persahabatan tidak lagi seindah yang dirasakan sekarang kerana setiap orang tidak dapat bersabar lagi dengan sikap rakan masing-masing dan tiada lagi sifat sabar dalam diri yang mendidik hati berlapang dada dan saling memaafkan.

Tanpa sifat sabar, tiada lagi lahirnya orang-orang hebat kerana semua orang tidak sanggup menghadapi kesukaran ketika belajar dan berputus asa saat-saat diuji dengan kesukaran.

Tanpa sifat sabar, alam rumah tangga tidak akan bertahan lama kerana tiada lagi sifat sabar dalam diri pasangan masing-masing untuk bertolak ansur antara satu sama lain.

Firman Allah S.W.T yang bermaksud:

Maka bersabarlah (wahai Muhammad terhadap ejekan golongan yang kafir itu), dengan cara kesabaran yang sebaik-baiknya. (Surah Al-Ma'aarij:ayat 5)

Ya, saya suka ayat ini. Ketika sedang menahan marah dan menahan sedih, ayat ini benar-benar memberi motivasi kepada saya. Bagaimana Allah memerintahkan kita untuk bersabar, malah bersabar dengan kesabaran yang baik.

Sememangnya dirasakan sabar ini merupakan sesuatu yang sangat perit sehingga kadang-kadang hati kita mengeluh.

" Asyik sabar je, penat dah sabar ni!"

Kita tidak perlu fikirkan lagi, mengapa kita bersabar dan berapa kali kita bersabar dalam hidup ini kerana saya ingin mengajak anda melihat apa yang dapat kita peroleh dari sifat sabar ini.

Apabila kita bersabar, kita sebenarnya dianugerahkan satu rasa yang tidak semua orang mampu merasainya, iaitu rasa ketenangan. Ketenangan ini bukan semua orang mampu merasainya melainkan orang-orang yang menjalani kehidupan mengikut apa yang Islam anjurkan. Percayalah dengan sifat sabar ini, dalam keadaan tidak sedar kita telah menyelamatkan banyak hubungan persahabatan daripada terputus, dengan sifat sabar ini kita boleh hidup aman damai seperti sekarang, dengan sifat sabar ini kita menjadi dewasa sehingga kini. Lihatlah betapa besarnya impak sabar untuk menjadi kehidupan harmoni.

Untuk anda yang sedang diuji, dalam hati ini hanya ada dua pilihan, sama ada nafsu ataupun iman. Jika menang nafsu, maka kalahlah iman, jika menang iman maka musnahlah nafsu. Kita yang perlu menilai dan memilih. Apabila diuji, kita mahu memilih nafsu untuk terus marah, atau kita memilih pilihan yang paling tepat iaitu iman dan sabar. Lihat pada impaknya, jika kita memilih untuk marah, hati kita akan dikuasai rasa marah yang menghilangkan rasa tenang, malah boleh jadi kita bertindak diluar batas fikiran kita yang akhirnya memberi kesan negatif pada kehidupan kita ketika itu. Namun, jika kita memilih untuk bersabar, insyaAllah kita diberi ketenangan untuk membantu kita mengambil tindakan yang tidak memburukkan lagi keadaan.

Saya bagi satu contoh yang mudah. Ditakdirkan anda terpaksa menjalani kehidupan dengan seorang rakan yang sangat pentingkan diri sendiri. Setiap tindakannya pasti memberi kebaikan pada dirinya dan kita sentiasa menjadi mangsanya. Setiap perbuatan dan kata-katanya sentiasa membuat kita berkecil hati. Disini, anda hanya ada dua pilihan, memilih untuk terus bersabar dan bertahan sepanjang anda menjalani kehidupan dengannya, atau anda memilih untuk bermasam muka dengannya akibat sakit hati yang menguasai diri. Jika anda memilih untuk bersabar, anda mampu menjaga keharmonian persahabatan dengannya, namun jika anda memilih untuk bermasam muka, pastinya memberi kesan yang tidak baik dalam hubungan persahabatan itu sendiri.

Namun sahabat, perlulah kita ingat bahawa kita ini manusia, kita bukan malaikat untuk terus menjadi sempurna di mata orang lain. Sabar manusia itu ada juga batasnya dan kadang-kadang orang yang paling banyak bersabar, sekali dia 'meletup' huru-hara jadinya. Oleh itu, perlunya fungsi kita meletakkan diri kita ditempat orang lain. Malah jika kita jenis yang pentingkan diri sekalipun, sebelum bertindak, kita perlu berfikir bagaimana rasanya jika kita berada ditempat orang yang teraniaya itu.

Sebelum kita bunuh orang, cuba kita bayangkan diri kita menjadi orang yang dibunuh itu.

Sebelum kita melemparkan kata-kata yang mampu mengguris hati orang lain, cuba bayangkan diri kita yang dilemparkan kata-kata itu.

Jika kita mampu meletakkan diri kita ditempat orang lain, saya yakin manusia tidak akan menzalimi sesama manusia lagi.

Sabar itu bukan perlu pada waktu-waktu tertentu sahaja, tetapi ia perlu setiap masa dan dimana jua kerana hidup kita tidak pernah lari dari diuji dengan pelbagai jenis dan bentuk ujian. Teruskan langkah dalam kehidupan ini tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi, kerana di depan sana ada syurga menanti kita. Cubalah memahami untuk diri kita difahami, cubalah bertolak-ansur, supaya orang lain juga mudah bertolak ansur dengan kita. Janganlah sentiasa mencari salah orang lain, supaya orang lain tidak mencari salah kita. Nasihat ini untuk diri saya sendiri, dan juga untuk kamu wahai sahabat.

Credit to www.iluvislam.com

:')

Monday, my mum called after reading my blog about the situation I'm in. She called and asked whether I'm okay. I told her everything.

And she gave me a lot of advice which made me cry because for the first time, my mum understand me and I was so happy about it.

What I like baout her advice were :

• I have to know how to heal myself first then try to heal others.
• If I'm not in this situation now, I may be in this kind of situation later in the future.
• I have to remember that I have to accept the cycle of life.
• I can cry for quite sometimes but I have to remember that it will make me tired. So do I have to go through this?
• Remember that this teaches me to be mature for the future.
• And made me know what to do in case this happened again.

Thanks mummy for the advice. It really helps me to stand again on my own feet. I love you :')

My 20th Birthday.

Last weekend, my mum made me a surprise birthday party for my 20th birthday! I love you mummy :)

Instead for a normal big cakes with candles on top, my mum had this idea of baking 20 cupcakes which then lighted with candles and I have to blow all of the 20 cupcakes. Instead for only 20, my cousins made me blow again and again when the candles had been blown. Hehe. And I'm wondering what is my real age? :)

My mum baked me a blueberry and cheese cupcakes, and cake, pasta, baked chicken, salads and mu mum tried this new recipe called Nasi Afghan. it taste and smell like Nasi Briyani but its not. My mum like to try new recipe. Good for me :) Haha.

The party started in the evening around 5pm and end at night. Those invited were my family, cousins and neighbours.

It was such a lovely birthday party. Thanks mummy for making me happy :D

Damn YOU!

Back to the sitution I'm in on my last post. I already apologize to some of them, not all. Although I'm afraid but still I have to end this no matter what. I stood infront of the class, and I said it. the worst thing was, nobody listen and nobody cares. I stood and admit my fault. I even said that I'm the on ewho pick their names because I was envy with them. Still, no one cares. SO, I decided not to say anything no more. I tried apologizing, it didn't work. I confessed, still didn't work. So for me, the best way, it's just keep my mouth shut and try not nother anyone or even talked to anyone for the moment or maybe until the end of semester. i really don't give a damn right now.

Okay, I admit my fault but one thing I'm not sure is about my beloved bestfriend. She suddenly dumped me for no reason. Hello? For as far as I know, I didn't do anything that may upset you or made you get mad. No. So, why in the hell are you not talking to me? If its because that case, I didn't even mention your name or drag you into it! I just don't understand why you wouldn't talk to me?

I'm by your side when you needed me the most. When everybody is talking about you. I'm here when you ex-boyfriend cheated on you. I'm here when you don't know which one of you scandals you want tochoose. I'm here when you suddenly decided to free-hair when everyone said bad things about you. BUT, WHERE IN THE HELL ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST??

If its because I'm in this situation that you decided to not be friends with me anymore, then FINE! Then, its true what others said about you! I'm not begging you to aske me what happened or what-so-ever. I just need you by my side when I need you. That's it. So, now I know your true colors.

So true what people said, "Its hard to find friends when you're sad, but when you're happy, suddenly you have a lot of friends."

Good Luck on finding your true friends right now cz I don't really give a damn to you right now. You have totally hurt me.

Mental Breakdown.

9.3.2011 and 10.3.2011

These dates will make me realise how high is the sky and how low is the ground. These dates will make me remember myself better and made me know what it feels like to step on others world. These dates made me selfish, ignorants, betrayel, snob, angry and a f**k-ed up person. These dates had made me to make a promise with the person I trust on what I'm saying to her but she broke it on the next day. These dates too made my life miserable as I'm about ( not about anymore, it's already happened ) to lose all my classmates. I'm having a mental breakdown for what just happened. In a blink of an eye, evreythings gone. From a word of a mouth, everythings vanished. From a broken promise, there will be no trust anymore.

For me, it was a good idea. For others, it's not. For those victims, it's HELL. For the lecturer, it's advantage. This was my first time I made a deal with the lecturer and instead she took advantage of it and now I know that for what ever reason, or how nice a lecturer can be, YOU CAN NEVER TRUST A LECTURER.

Want to know what I did? I told the lecturer that some of the students CHEATED on in midterm exam. It was supposed to be beetwen me and a friend with this lecturer. But, somehow, there were many involved though I didn't drag them through all the stages. I too made them promise not to tell, but, as you know, people might just spilled the beans.

What hurts me the most was the broken promise. Maybe all of you will said that, "You shouldn't care what others do." Yes, I shouldn't. But, I'm tired of the high grades that they get for every exams. For me it's unfair, but for others, who cares? We graduate later individually, they will get job individually and it doesn't effect my marks. So, right now, I'm thinking, did I do the right thing by telling the lecturer the truth?

I have no idea. If it was just beetween me, a friend and the lecturer, I think it WOULD be okay. But I didn't know that she was pissed-off with our class that she told other lecurer aka the Dean of our faculty and the coordinator. And for no reason she even interupted herself on saying that the victims involved, especially those related to Faculty Group Comitte, should step down from his position. WHY? He just cheated on his exams not corrupting group's money or whatever. It's just doesn't make sense. The only reason I told the lecturer was so that she can just slashed one or two marks. that's it. Not making it as a BIG fuss. I'm so dissapointed to the lecturer as my friends dissapointed with me. I'm a big-fat-betrayed person. So, the story flows widely and fast. Other lectures already knew without us telling the real story, the real situation. Although the coordinator came in the class yesterday to settle this case, but i think it wouldn't be solved, for like, forever. People said, what you did good, is invisible, people don't care. But if you did a bad thing, suddenly people started to talk about it and starting to spread the rumours.

I couldn't face any students which in the same course. I'm embarrased. I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm hurt. As I said, I have a mental breakdown. I've cried for long hours that I couldn't opened my eyes this morning.

Dear Allah, am I doing the right thing? If yes, why am I feeling this way?

All I want is just their marks being slashed without anyone knowing. But, maybe this time I couldn't get what I want. Well, not everything is achievable. All the texting on phones and comments on facebook really does break me down.

Some said, "Congrtas, you've just got your justice. And hopefully the justice will be the same to you."

Some even, "What did I ever do wrong to you?" You didn't do anything. It wasn't supposed to be like this. But you guys will never understand the truth behind all of this.

It's not drama. I'm really sincere in apologizing to you. I don't how to say it anymore.

It's not that I love seeing you guys fall, it wasn't supposed to be like this.

I've never intended to envy those yang teratas. Never.
I've never intended also to 'aibkan' those people. It was supposed to be a secret.

I'm sorry. I didn't see this coming in the future. I'm sorry.

I don't want to be on top or famous or whatever.
I didn't meaan for this to happened.

I'm not faking it while I'm with you guys. I'm sorry.

Faten, I'm sorry.
Eventhough, this is just an application in FB, but you still considered it as real.
I'm sorry.

News run faster than a cheetah.

I thought it was a good decision, instead, it is a bad one.
And I'm regretting it.

I agree with you. What good things we've done, no one knows.
But when it comes to the other side, seems like everybody cares.

I tak dengki. I just nk markah diorg dipotong saja.
Itu saja. Tanpa diorg tahu. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry Iky.

I xd niat nk aibkan orang, serius xd niat langsung.
Ini sepatutnya rahsia. Tp korg xkn phm.

I xd niat aibkn org.

Betul. I memang bodoh dalam segi perikemanusiaan.

Too much drama.

I xdengki. I xnk aibkan org.

See. Cepatkan gossip berjalan.

I xtau nk ckp apa.

Before the incident occured, I did managed to apologized to them. But seems everyone was plastic, so infront of me, they said, "It's ok. Chill lah. Salah kitorg." , "Jgn la nanges, everythings going to be fine." , "Chill. Chill. Nnt ok lah tuh."

I couldn't understand why everyone didn't get mad at me. But suddenly they exploded with a big bang. I was shocked, but this is what the consequences that I have to live for the rest of my life. Once again, I'm sorry.

And I understand that I'm being hated.

Ya Allah, hamba mohon pada-MU, pinjamkanlah hamba kekuatan-MU, ya Allah. Moga hamba mampu menjalani hari-hari yang akan datang ini, Ya Allah. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat hambamu ini, Ya Allah. Hamba sangat kecik berbanding mu, Ya Allah. Hamba terima ini semua sebagai dugaan-MU, Ya Allah. Lindugi lah hamba dari segala kecelakaan, Ya Allah. Hamba mohon pada-Mu Ya Allah, ampunilah dosaku Ya Allah. Dosa kawan-kawanku Ya Allah.

5.3.2011

Takziah to Shahrul Izwan bin Dona for his Beloved Father had left the world on this date. Me, Adie, Faten and Z went to Pagoh, Johor to visit him and his family. We reached there and the surrounding was full of sorrow and we can see his mother cried sadly that made us cried too. It was a sad moment for everyone. Al-fatihah.

After that, since we're in Johor, we decided to find Mee Bandung Johor. Adie drove using Z's GPS and we found...tarraaaaa...Fuad Bandung Corner!

The Mee Bandung was deliciousoooo :) Then I had my first KUPANG BERLADA. Honetsly, it taste good. Thanks you guys, fro bringing me there.

At night, otw back to campus, Faten and me decieede to got o Jonker since the frekking oil is still ayy lot, so we went there. Again, I've never been to Jonker at night and it was a wonderful moemory. The scenery at night was very nice and it made me feel with awwwww. How God's creation was a no doubt.

Me with the Delicious Mee Bandung :)

Adie lokman :)

Zaini :)

Faten :)

My first time, eating Kupang. SODAAPPPP :)

Licin tak licin lah kannnn,

Melaka :)

4.3.2011

Okay, another UNPLANNED gateaway for me, Adel, Faten and Z. We only decided to rent a car without knowing where to go.

We rent, and at first we head to the city. Fisrt of all, we went for a lunch at Klemak. Okay, the foods there were SUPERBB! and CHEAP :) Then, when we reached the city we park at MP and head to DP when we suddenly decided to watch a movie. We choosed The Adjustment Bureau and gladly it wasn't dissapointing. The movie was really out-of-the-box where the movie plays something like science-fiction genre related to God and Faith. You should watch it.

Then, we split for some while. I went to the Bundle, Adel went to the phone shops while Faten and Z could not be found. HAHA. I bought 2 shawls and 2 shirts.

Before returning home, Adel bough us, three, Starbucks cakes. Thanks ayy lot ADELA MEGAN WILLY :) Adel bought herself Green Tea Milk Latte. Oh no! It smells really bad, but it taste really GOOD! A good combination of trick.

On our way back, we started the car's engine and it wouldn't start. We started to PANIC! We try and try again and again, but it wouldn't raawrrr ( deruman engine, haha ). Then Z started to play the acceleator while starting the engine. At first it was okay, then it died again. Oh my, I called the owner of the car, and starting screaming yelling in a panic voice. Well, it was my first time, plus I'm a girl, obviuosly I will panic.

Then, after a while, the car was okay. Thank God. Alhamdulillah. We head to JUSCO since Adel wanted to buy some toiletries. We hang for a while and we head back to Campus.

3.3.2011

On this day, me and my Broadcasting group decided to go for an interview for our group assignment. Alif was the one incharged of all and we ended up interviewing the person in Pavillion. Remember my last post saying that this was my birtday present from them? Well, it was actually when I accidently spilled out saying that I've never been to PAVILLION! Ohoooooo! I'm living in Shah Alam and I've never been to Pavillion. HAHAHA. Although I only get to be at the FOODCOURT only, but still it was a good present.

Okay, we interviewed someone from Radius One name for what I've known was only Ijat. I didn't managed to get his full name because I was too busy listening to what he said about his background, about how did his company grown, about his dramas on TV and all about him. I was so mesmerized about what he said. You can asked my groupmates how FASCINATING I am listening to him. We have this eye contact that my eyes didn't blink. HAHAHA.

Although it was not really a PLANNED outing, but at least we can start doing this assignment.

Yup, This is HIM :)
Owh, btw, sorry for the blurry pictures since it was an UNPLANNED interview session,
none of us bought any DSLR CAMERA!